Skip to main content

Rose-tinted glasses

Oh hey there, remember me? To be honest I'm not sure if I can even remember how to write blogs anymore so no problem if you've forgotten about me! So anyway, I wrote this tweet the other day (follow me if you want!) - and a couple of people responded and encouraged me to write a post about it! (Hi C & B! 😂)

I think about this kind of stuff all the time, and it's kind of linked to my post that I wrote about the question of 'what if'. I don't even know how it happens sometimes, I can hear a song, see an advert, smell a familiar smell and I'm immediately taken back to a time with someone even if I haven't thought about them, let alone spoken to them for months or years. But it happens, I don't even know what triggered it the other night but I just started thinking about memories with people who aren't in my life anymore and it got me thinking: thinking about the last conversation I had with people, not knowing that that was going to be the last conversation most of the time; thinking back to the last time I spent with that person, again, most of the time not knowing it would be the last time.

When I think back on these memories, they're generally positive and it makes me wonder what they're doing now, how they are, what's going on in their lives, I guess I miss some people when I think back on these memories. However, then reality hits, I remember why we're not friends anymore and you come back crashing down to Earth. Carina honestly has the most dreamy writing style (read her blog if you don't believe me) and she described this whole thing so well - we romanticise the past (well I do anyway). I get so attached to people and I think the way I romanticise things clouds my memories of the past, it's like I'm seeing them through rose-tinted glasses; I forget the hurt and the fallout. Maybe I miss the memory rather than the person. I guess it's a state of nostalgia, and nostalgia files away all the rough edges from my memory to make it all seem nice and fluffy. Nostalgia is a Greek word which loosely means "the pain from an old wound" - that's why memories can sometimes feel like you're being kicked in the stomach, or your heartstrings are being pulled. We ache to go back there, but sometimes forgetting the pain it caused the first time around. Maybe it's how my brain deals with things, maybe I repress the crap memories and just pretend they didn't happen to protect myself from digging up the dirt again, who knows. 

I don't think nostalgia and romanticising the past is necessarily a bad thing, why wouldn't you want to remember the happy times? I just need to let reality kick back in sometimes though as filing off the rough edges could maybe allow me to make the same mistake again which I wouldn't want to do. You can't always let the good outweigh the bad just because that's how you remember it. I was with someone back along on-and-off for four or five years because I kept saying to everyone that the good times outweighed the bad, but looking back it definitely didn't. I definitely don't look back on that person with nostalgia, with the rough edges filed away, with my tinted glasses on, not anymore anyway but I definitely did for a period of time. 

I struggle to take the glasses off with some people though, especially friends that I've lost. I do just want to point out that I'm not saying in any of this that I've never been part of the problem why I've fallen out with someone, just want to get that in case anyone I don't speak to anymore reads this (unlikely but just need to have the disclaimer 😂). Especially those that I would have considered to be some of my best friends at the time, I remember them fondly and picture it all as if we lived in the world of T Swift's ME! video but then come back to the real world and remember why we fell out. Some of what I feel when I go into my memories is regret: like maybe I would have had a different kind of conversation or not had that conversation at all if I had known how it would have ended, but there's never any way of knowing what's going to happen in the future.

A wise mandrill once said "oh yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it"

I don't want to always be dragging around negative memories of people, I like to reminisce on the positives, but we can't learn from it if we colour the truth with happiness.


p.s I'd love it if you could subscribe to any future blogs by clicking the subscribe button at the top of the page!


Popular posts from this blog

Panic! at the lockdown

Helloooo! (read that in Mrs Doubtfire's voice please) It's me, if anyone remembers me, I'm here! It's been nearly 3 months since I last posted on here, and there's no excuse really other than the fact I've just been too lazy. I will say I've been lacking ideas a little bit recently, maybe because I've been happy, I haven't had anything to moan about (and that's the tea ☕👀), but there's been something pretty big going on the last few weeks hasn't there. I'm being a bit hypocritical with this post, because I'm sick of hearing about Coronavirus/Covid-19 and not being able to escape from it, but because of it, that's what has inspired this post. If you're also sick of hearing about it, please don't close the tab, the post is more about me (if you're new here, it's a common topic), rather than the ' thing ' itself. So the last couple of months while it's all been kicking off, I've been rela

Anxiety & Me: having the BBC pay for therapy is nice, but is it real?

Oh hey, me again. I watched the BBC programme last month called Anxiety and Me  featuring Nadiya Hussain and I thought I would write a blog post about it, because I know my opinion is so important and people live based on what I say (I'm joking, just in case you can't sense the sarcasm there)! Just for anyone who is new here (hi!), I have been diagnosed with Anxiety since 2015 but I think I've actually had it for a lot longer than four years. Overall, I thought it was great. I thought it gave a really good understanding of how Anxiety can feel for someone, and even my boyfriend of nearly 4 years said he learned more about the illness and how it can make me feel. So clearly, it was very informative and clear. I loved how raw and real it was: I started crying after the first five minutes because it hit me so hard. ( Disclaimer: I'm going to openly talk about things that happen in the programme so if you wanted to watch it first go and do that now!) At the start wh

"Sometimes in life, you aren't enough for someone"

Hello! Long time no see - apologies about that. I've been pretty busy actually, I've been on holiday, moved house and got a new job, so my little blog has kind of suffered because of it, but I'm still here! Now call me a basic white girl, a basic bitch, or however you describe people who are obsessed with crappy reality TV, Starbucks and shops at In The Style, but this post is actually inspired by the recent break up between Zara and Adam from Love Island (please keep reading, this isn't a post about Love Island!). Some of you may have read Zara's official statement, I'm sure a lot of you couldn't care less, but it was something in this statement that has given me an idea for this post. She wrote about the breakup, 'sometimes in life, you aren't enough for someone', and reading this broke my heart. I'm sure a lot of people reading this, will know exactly how this feels: whether it's a friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner, a famil