Rose-tinted glasses

Oh hey there, remember me? To be honest I'm not sure if I can even remember how to write blogs anymore so no problem if you've forgotten about me! So anyway, I wrote this tweet the other day (follow me if you want!) - and a couple of people responded and encouraged me to write a post about it! (Hi C & B! 😂)
I think about this kind of stuff all the time, and it's kind of linked to my post that I wrote about the question of 'what if'. I don't even know how it happens sometimes, I can hear a song, see an advert, smell a familiar smell and I'm immediately taken back to a time with someone even if I haven't thought about them, let alone spoken to them for months or years. But it happens, I don't even know what triggered it the other night but I just started thinking about memories with people who aren't in my life anymore and it got me thinking: thinking about the last conversation I had with people, not knowing that that was going to be the last conversation most of the time; thinking back to the last time I spent with that person, again, most of the time not knowing it would be the last time.

When I think back on these memories, they're generally positive and it makes me wonder what they're doing now, how they are, what's going on in their lives, I guess I miss some people when I think back on these memories. However, then reality hits, I remember why we're not friends anymore and you come back crashing down to Earth. Carina honestly has the most dreamy writing style (read her blog if you don't believe me) and she described this whole thing so well - we romanticise the past (well I do anyway). I get so attached to people and I think the way I romanticise things clouds my memories of the past, it's like I'm seeing them through rose-tinted glasses; I forget the hurt and the fallout. Maybe I miss the memory rather than the person. I guess it's a state of nostalgia, and nostalgia files away all the rough edges from my memory to make it all seem nice and fluffy. Nostalgia is a Greek word which loosely means "the pain from an old wound" - that's why memories can sometimes feel like you're being kicked in the stomach, or your heartstrings are being pulled. We ache to go back there, but sometimes forgetting the pain it caused the first time around. Maybe it's how my brain deals with things, maybe I repress the crap memories and just pretend they didn't happen to protect myself from digging up the dirt again, who knows. 

I don't think nostalgia and romanticising the past is necessarily a bad thing, why wouldn't you want to remember the happy times? I just need to let reality kick back in sometimes though as filing off the rough edges could maybe allow me to make the same mistake again which I wouldn't want to do. You can't always let the good outweigh the bad just because that's how you remember it. I was with someone back along on-and-off for four or five years because I kept saying to everyone that the good times outweighed the bad, but looking back it definitely didn't. I definitely don't look back on that person with nostalgia, with the rough edges filed away, with my tinted glasses on, not anymore anyway but I definitely did for a period of time. 

I struggle to take the glasses off with some people though, especially friends that I've lost. I do just want to point out that I'm not saying in any of this that I've never been part of the problem why I've fallen out with someone, just want to get that in case anyone I don't speak to anymore reads this (unlikely but just need to have the disclaimer 😂). Especially those that I would have considered to be some of my best friends at the time, I remember them fondly and picture it all as if we lived in the world of T Swift's ME! video but then come back to the real world and remember why we fell out. Some of what I feel when I go into my memories is regret: like maybe I would have had a different kind of conversation or not had that conversation at all if I had known how it would have ended, but there's never any way of knowing what's going to happen in the future.


A wise mandrill once said "oh yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it"



I don't want to always be dragging around negative memories of people, I like to reminisce on the positives, but we can't learn from it if we colour the truth with happiness.

xo//

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